Keep Going

A discussion on an anonymous poem, anonymity in creativity, and Survivor.

I kept going
Not because I wanted to
Trust me, all of me wanted to stop
I kept going
Because I deserved to know
What not giving up on myself felt like
Unknown

I heard this poem in a Twitter space and it really spoke to me. I’ve been more active in Twitter Spaces, which are like an audio-phone call rather than a text conversation, I love them because it forces me to think more on my feet, rather than thinking about what I want to say, being able to craft it exactly how I want it, and then pushing it out into the world in polished form.

For the longest time I would just listen to spaces, because there’s some real trolls, and negative people in general, so I started using an “Alt” account with a different business idea I had awhile ago and it allows me to be anonymous and free to say what I want to say, and to express my ideas without the expectation or intention of some time of reward or satisfaction, or recognition, just saying something because I think it’s funny or asking other people questions on their own ideas for my own curiosity.

And the rewards have been entirely different than what I expected. I’ve always done so much, for reasons of business success, or to grow my career. Of course I’ve done things that I enjoy, like watching football, but I’ve always felt like I should be doing “more” or doing things that either help my business or career, or move forward in some way, that it’s freeing to be able to express my ideas and thoughts for no other reason than pure curiosity and intellectual pursuit.

This experience has made me think about, what this blog and my writing would be like if I started this anonymously, rather than with the intention of being some sort of “famous” writer or creative, what I would write about and how much more freeing the experience would be. I guess it comes down to that I know I can be a bit egotistical, and I’ve always thought that would help me, but coming to the realization that maybe that’s what’s holding me back in some or many ways.

These days my life and my writing process has changed drastically. I understand that the world has also changed drastically, and politics has always been a life long interest and obsession, but I’ve gotten away from the worldly events and much more focused on the events in my own life. I used to write political essays and writings because I found it to be a great way to develop an audience because people always love reading about politics, events, and opinions, especially on local politics that doesn’t receive nearly the analysis and discussion as say National Politics which gets chewed over until it’s tasteless.

I think that’s also part of the reason I have lost interest in National Politics, it’s very much the same over and over. I like local politics for the same reason that I love small towns, like the town I went to college: because everyone knows everyone, personalities play an outsized role, and it’s much more personal of a venture. It’s in that same vein that I’ve become absolutely obsessed with Survivor over the past two seasons. When it comes to Red Vs Blue and the millions of people in each party, it’s a much more 50,000 foot view, whereas when you only have 15, 10 or 5 people competing for the same goal, and you’ve gotten to know the players over an extended period of time, personalities, alliances, and the “blind sides” weigh more due to their detail and closeness.

Even this blog, I started out to write down the big and grandiose ideas I had in my head about life, but once I got all that out of me what is interesting to me is the fine, intricate details of my own life week to week. Similarly when I fly my drone, I think of all the great shots I want to take, but when I get into the air it looks different than I imagined it would and new, smaller details come alive through the camera. And it’s not so much about the camera, even in the case of drones, it’s about what I can show with the camera in a new way.

I hope that all of my amazing readers have a fantastic Thanksgiving holiday break, and you get to spend quality time with your loved ones. This year I am grateful for the humbling nature of life, true friends and family who form the bedrock of our lives, and my dog Hunter S. Thompson.